Don't Mess With Old Ladies

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Constable?

Officer: Madam, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see.. Can I see your Insurance papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and cut up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the Boot if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, with 2 armed Officers at his side.

Officer 2: Madam, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem Inspector?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the Boot of your car.

The woman opens the Boot, revealing nothing but a Shopping Basket and folded Travelling Rug.

Officer 2: Is this your car, madam?

Older Woman: Yes, here’s the Log Book and Insurance Certificate.

The Inspector is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you didn’t have a driving licence.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you madam, one of my Constables told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and then cut up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.