Teachers

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

Salary Theory

A New Theorem on Salary states:

Engineers, Teachers, Programmers and Scientists can never earn as much salary as business executives and sales people.


This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following three postulates:


Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power (Knowledge=Power)

Postulate 2: Time is Money (Time=Money)

Postulate 3 (as every Physics student knows): Power = Work/Time


It therefore follows: Knowledge = Work / Time

and since Time = Money,

we have: Knowledge = Work / Money


Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge


Thus, as Knowledge approaches Zero, Money approaches Infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.


Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make