Short Guide to Comparative Religions

Taoism	Shit happens.
Confucianism	Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Calvinism	Shit happens because you don`t work hard enough.
Buddhism	If shit happens, it really isn`t shit.
Seventh Day Adventist	No shit on Saturdays
Zen	What is the sound of shit happening?
Hedonism	There`s nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism	This shit happened before.
Mormon	This shit is going to happen again.
Islam	If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Moonies	Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism	This shit is good for me.
Protestantism	Let the shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism	Shit happens because you are BAD.
Hare Krishna	Shit happens rama rama.
Judaism	Why does this shit always happen to US?
Zoroastrianism	Shit happens half the time.
Christian Science	Shit is in your mind.
Atheism	Sheeit.
Existentialism	What is shit anyway?
Rastafarianism	Let`s smoke this shit.
Jesuitism	If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
Psychoanalysis	Shit happens because of your toilet training.
Scientology	Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
Unitarianism	Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
Mysticism	What weird shit!
Agnosticism	What is this shit?
Nihilism	Who needs this shit?
Aztec	Cut out this shit!
Quaker	Let's not fight over this shit.
Forteanism	No shit??
12-Step	I am powerless to cut the shit.
Voodoo	Hey, that shit looks just like you!
New Age	Visualize shit not happening.
Deism	Shit just happens.
Secular Humanism	Shit evolves.
Shintoism	Shit is everywhere.
Wicca	Mix this shit together and make it happen!
Hasidism	Shit never happens the same way twice.
Objectivism	Our shit is good for you.
Theosophy	You don't know half of the shit that happens.
Dianetics	Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
Jehovah's Witnesses	No shit happens until Armageddon.
Hopi	Corn fertilizer happens.
Baha'i	It's all the same shit.